Hannah went to heaven on July 4, 2011 and the pain I feel is so great. I have been waking up daily in tears knowing that I would not have to take her out for her potty and worry about water and food for her no more. No more trips to get her favorite ice cream, hamburgers and other goodies that she loved that I gave to her as her treat time. No more toys or balls for her to play with, no more vet visits or doggie day care or going to her favorite place to see her friends, the doggie park near our house.
For over 9 years Hannah was hanging out at the tennis courts with me and she knew what she was suppose to do...have a good time while I played tennis. Yes, my world is now shattered by what was supposed to be a long life of at least 14 years, but she was taken from me at 9 years old. No longer will I need to get up extra early to get her to the park for her morning potty. No more morning trips with me to get my coffee and then off to see clients. Hannah and I were a team from the go.
I wanted this Angel from the day she was born on April 2, 2002, as she came into my life when my world was crushed. Back then I was one month away from the perfect life that I thought was to be with a husband, suburban life and white picket fence. That all came crashing down in September 2001. The man I was suppose to marry had a secret and for some reason he could not come out of the closet and I got caught in the middle of it all. Hannah was there to pick up the pieces for me.
Hannah knew how to comfort me as she was the comfort I could not find in other people. Hannah and I had great communication as we both understood each other. She was the love of my life that did not ask me for words or explanations. She was there by my side day after day when the depression and sadness overpowered me. She was there when I thought I would not make it. She brought me the strength, peace and serenity that I never thought I could or would find again. The more she was with me the more I loved her as her sweet and loving personality soon became part of my life. She brought me joy, happiness and a friendship that I never had with any creature before. She was there to lick the tears that I cried night after night many years ago from a relationship that would never be. She was there with me as I made many personal as well as professional decisions about my career and life. She was with me almost 24/7 as she came to work with me and was rarely alone and we both loved it that way.
Hannah was never a burden but always a joy to be with. She was happy, funny and adapted to any situation I put her in. She never asked for much as her love was unconditional. We both knew that just being together was the best. She was my loyal girl who I loved more than anything. She stood by my side day after day and never wavered as to how our relationship would go, for good or bad, as we thought it would never end. She was my trusted loyal companion and our relationship was solid and no one could ever come between us.
It never dawned on me that Hannah would get sick at such a young age. She was my workout buddy. We ran miles weekly and she was so athletic. I kept her lean as I wanted her to be healthy and fit. The day that she got sick, which accumulated over time unknowingly to me, shattered my life. My precious girl was in turmoil and there was nothing medically I was able to do for her. After all of these years of her taking care of me I was helpless and could not help and no amount of money, love or friendship was eventually going to keep her alive. My world for this helpless girl was turned upside down.
When the doctor told me that she had a FATAL LUNG DISEASE it was hearing demons tell me that they would take her soul. It took me days to realize that my baby girl was dying and it took me longer to brace myself for what was to be. As the end came upon us I could see that she was getting more tired and her life was slowly turning for the worse. I knew it was just a matter of days and possibly hours before I knew her life would come to an end. Hannah was preparing me and we both knew it. We were both tired and I could see that she was beginning to separate herself from me as she knew it was time. I woke up on July 4th and I knew it was the day. She was lethargic and she had no life about her. No more running, playing with the ball, lying by my side, being there, she was ready to go and I knew it was time. I prayed and asked God to give both Hannah and I strength for her journey to another life away from me physically and I began to feel peaceful about what was to be. It was time for her to go away and wait for me so that one day we would be reunited again.
Hannah never complained about anything like humans do all of the time. She was a trooper and even in the face of death she did not cry, whimper or not want to please me. Her strength is the lesson we all need to learn. I remember many years ago when a pastor’s wife was preaching on death and she talked about we would be reunited some day with those who passed on and with our pets and I truly believe she was right. While Hannah is not here with me physically, I know that my Hannah’s spirit lives on with me and always will but that now she is free of sickness and well and is playing with the puppies in heaven until we are re-united again. The love and special place in my heart for MY Hannah is so real and she brought me more joy than I could have ever deserved! Hannah, mommy loves you!
Debra
