Sunday, June 30, 2013

A Rare Friendship



June 2013
About 3 months ago, I began to “LOSE MY VOICE”, my passion and my connection to everything in my life, including myself.  Sadness and anxiety began to overwhelm me and I could feel myself slowly declining from any dream or vision that had part of my world for the past 25 years. I really knew I was in trouble when I began to eat poorly and my workouts were becoming a chore and not the love or movement my body needed to live a healthy life. I could not even journal as writing about my feelings was how I survived in the past especially when I felt a disconnect from life.  A very negative mindset began to arise and my world began to crumble.  How was this happening?  First, my past began to emerge, years of abuse that I left behind came back to haunt me. That coincided with a physical injury that was so painful that it left me helpless for weeks. I have never had an injury of this magnitude before, especially an injury that could have ended my fitness career. That scared me.  However, the most overwhelming issue I was trying to grasp on to was the death of my dearest friend Gere in October 2012. It was not until after the holidays when I realized how permanent her death was, but what I really did not know was how I was going to emotionally deal with this loss or recover from her death.  Gere and I met in 1968 when we were both freshmen in high school. Gere was bubbly, kind, loving and a very unique person who would help, mold and shape my life in a very special way.  We were two silly girls who loved life, very unconventional in our thinking and born rebels. We were drawn together and instantly connected in a very extraordinary way. Soon after we met, and realizing we had the same birthday we became pinky blood sisters. For two gritty girls our friendship became an instant sisterhood, the kind that would whether any storm and last throughout 44 years.  In fact, we were soul mates, connected for life. Gere lived one parish over from me and that meant we could see each other outside of school and we did. I spent many days with her and her family who became like my own. Her parents and sisters, who I adored, were kind and loving and they welcomed me with open arms.  Prior to her death, Gere had been in a coma for almost 5 weeks.  I was at the hospital daily reading her books, singing to her, dancing to the disco music we loved, reading scripture, talking about God’s love for her, telling her jokes, holding her hand, talking about life but mostly I cried and prayed non- stop for her healing.  Every day, I could feel her love and God’s angels in that room while I was there and I know that time brought me even closer to her.  Still, for weeks I was in fog, crying, God help me out, how and why did this happen, what was I to see or learn from this? In the end, Plenty!  When she died I was devastated and was having trouble truly grasping on to the permanent absence that would now unfold in my life. I had to seek GOD for answers because no human could make me feel better or help me make any sense out of her death.  While we all have our own way of expressing what we think death is and the bible is very clear as to what awaits us, as I think about eternity I can only imagine.  We all hope in the end we are good enough to spend it with a merciful God but I know that one day we all stand in judgment. I knew that was where Gere was headed toward to meet her creator.  As I watched Gere in bed day after day I felt helpless to do anything but be there.  It was then I really needed to trust and believe God had a plan for her as he does for me and I so needed to accept this. As the weeks went on I finally found the peace I needed spending time in prayer and reading scripture to comfort me.  Then, March 16th came, our 59th birthday. Sharing the same birthday every year we would celebrate together even if it meant a cup of coffee together.  But not this year, I would go solo and it was not sitting well with me.  Like I said, I could not quite grasp onto the bigger picture of her not being here anymore. No more phone calls, no more dinners,  no more girl talk or sleep overs, it all ended on that dreadful day when I received the news. However, even now as I sit and write about my Gere I can still feel her love. Gere was all about love, compassion and forgiveness; she talked, lived and practiced it. Some may say that is a weakness but in reality it is a way to free ourselves to really love and that is what we all want, to feel love.  Gere and I were planning our 60th birthday next year and we decided we would both go to the Adirondacks together.  Next year on March 16th I will celebrate both of our lives  because knowing Gere and being with her a short amount of time has  made me realize that life is so precious, we never know what is around the corner and that love and forgiveness is the only way to true happiness.  I can honestly say I felt true love from Gere who was my special ANGEL and always there when I needed comfort or compassion. Gere was a true friend. You see, a true friend is not only there in the good times but will always be there when you fall down. She lifted me up time after time and she is my heart forever. As for me, I am feeling better than ever.  I always knew that I would come back stronger as I have done time after time.  While I was shaken up for a while, I knew deep down inside I would get up again and start over.  So, after these few months of physical, emotional, and mental CHALLENGES and SET BACKS I am standing tall once again. I can honestly say that between a great chiropractor, some acupuncture, journaling, rest, prayer to a GOD who promises to protect me I can say I feel better than ever.  There is not a day that goes by Gere is not remembered, I feel her presence with me everyday.  I know I will see her again someday.  Gere has taught me that kindness, forgiveness and love will override any fear we might in this life and that I serve a God who loves us all, especially in our darkest hour.

Debra