Have you
ever felt fat? If so, join the millions of women of all shapes/sizes who go
through this on a daily basis.
You lost
weight and try on some new clothes in a smaller size but you are feeling fat
and hating everything in the store. You
have to lie on the bed because you cannot zipper a pair of pants that fit
yesterday due to water retention, or perhaps your hormones are fluctuating and
everything feels tight and doesn’t look good. Too many carbs getting the best
of you?
This
thinking can snowball into thoughts of ‘I am ugly, fat and nobody loves me’ and
this can certainly lead into an eating frenzy. Now you think you have every right to feel fat
and fatness starts to become your reality. While you may think this is extreme thinking this
behavior is reality for a lot of women.
This is how quickly we can act out our thoughts without thinking
rationally or mindfully.
In my own
personal life this kind of thinking tortured me for years and I remember journaling
somewhere that I had to come to terms with this or it would drive me insane. As
a kid, food was the excuse for my existence.
I was fat in elementary school and I was reminded of my girth on a daily
basis from other kids, friends, family and teachers. People were so cruel to me
and never left me alone.
I grew up
thinking, living and knowing that fat was a part of my life that followed me
around from sunrise to sunset. In fact when my weight escalated to over 300
pounds not only did I feel fat I was fat. Most of the time I could not even look in the
mirror because I was reminded of my enormous size.
After having
a now or never rude awakening over 25 years ago I lost over 130 pounds, however
my thinking needed a major adjustment because I still felt fat all of the time.
In fact, some days I felt fatter than
when I weighed over 300 pounds. No matter
how small I was getting, I felt fat. I realized then that I was going to have
to work on changing the negative way I felt about myself to a more positive me.
I am happy to
say that after years of mental skills training, visualization and journaling I
learned that I am much more than a three-letter word. Today, those negative
words, “I feel fat” are rarely part of who I am.
So, where
does this thinking come from? While it
most certainly can start in childhood from parents who might be weight obsessed,
it can also begin in elementary school, being labeled fat from other kids or
even teachers. Girls can begin to believe that if they are not the perfect Barbie
Doll there is something wrong and most likely begin to diet to lose weight.
Some girls think they are fat at any size.
Let’s face it;
we all will begin to believe negative thoughts about ourselves when we are
bombarded with messages that thinness and being skinny is better at any cost. Every
time we look at magazines, newspapers, TV and Hollywood there is not an ounce
of fat to be found and these venues dictate how most females think about themselves.
When we do not fit that mold we begin to see ourselves as fat at any size. If it does not match up to what we see, we
internalize feelings that line up with unhappiness and we internalize feelings
of I am not worthy.
Is feeling
fat the same as being fat? Feeling fat
is just what it says it is, a feeling. It won’t be reality unless you make it
become your reality. While your feelings are your feelings, some of us are so driven by our feelings
and emotions and if we're not
careful, those misguided feelings can create issues that distract us,
discourage us, and trigger past pain that starts taunting us. They can fill our
minds with thoughts that are not accurate. You cannot let your life, world and daily
existence be driven by emotions, as you will then have no basis for reality.
Do I still have fat days? You bet I do! Today I know that
is not my reality, it is only a passing challenge that I can either move out of
the way or let beat me up.
Hugs,
Debra
