New Beginnings of HOPE~

Many times in my life I have gone through periods of doubt, turmoil, fear and uncertainty and some how I got past them without being crushed emotionally, however over the past three years it seemed harder to shake them off.  This time those feeling and emotions had such a  grip on me at times I was beginning to have serious negative thinking about my life that was not part of my plan. Prior to feeling such anxiety, I had always been the motivated, uplifted and inspired women that other women looked up and listened to. I was the go to girl who was always on top of being positive even in the trenches of life but the death of my dearest friend Gere, turning sixty, moving and starting a new job was so overwhelming. I could feel things beginning to unravel but I put them on the back burner. In 2012, after weeks of me believing for a total healing, I lost my dearest friend Gere who I met at age fourteen, we were pinky blood  sisters born on the same day. We met in the cafeteria as freshmen in high school and remained friends till she took her last breath. The pain of her death gripped me so tight that I could sometimes feel myself being strangled. The question of WHY was always on my mind. I would think about it, ponder on it,  journal about it and yet could not find any relief as my heart ached over this loss I felt.  Losing Gere was like losing a sister we were that connected. While  I never understood the WHY of it all God says we are to trust him and that is how I made it through the past three years. Gere was my go to girl when I needed to lean on someone. Gere and I bounced every issue off of each other that women talk about such as relationships, love and family and even retirement. We sometimes just checked in and other days we would  go deep with life in conversation.  Turning sixty was also a big milestone for me somehow, fifty nine was great but sixty sounded well so old.  I had run my last half-marathon at fifty five and now I was turning sixty. Say it isn't so. I had a total meltdown  as I approached that day that put me into orbit most nights with tears and feelings of frustration and lonliness that I had not experienced since I was a kid. Gere and I had planned on celebrating our sixtieth birthday on a mini vacation, as we both turned sixty on the same day but she was not around and frankly I lost all interest in turning sixty alone. I then took a job that took my out of the Philadelphia area and I put my business on the back burner to persue a new venture that did not work out. While this was rough transition I do believe it gave me rest time that I needed and a clear vision about what I needed to do with my life. While  I could not bring Gere back or get any younger I could move forward in my life and get back to my passion, helping women and that is exactly what the future holds for me. Today I am so hopeful, more motivated and feel so inspired to move forward free from fear and anxiety. I am certainly not saying I will no longer have the challenges, set backs and mountains to move somewhere in the future but I can this, without HOPE there is no future for any of us. I am GRATEFUL for NEW BEGINNINGS OF HOPE~