Why do we sabotage ourselves?

QUESTION:
I have been doing great with my eating for a little over a month. I have not binged and have eaten foods that really made me feel better. Then after getting weighed I realized that I lost over 10 pounds and had a melt down, after that I felt myself slipping back to my old ways and it really has taken a toll on me emotionally.  I realize that every time I begin to get healthy I get overwhelmed, scared and resort back to my old self. Is this normal and do others experience this? Susan

 First, let me say that YES this reaction is normal and YES other women including myself  have experienced this in our lives. The good news is that women can overcome this as I did and so have many others.

Answer:
In the thirty plus years that I have been training, coaching, mentoring, running groups and counseling women this is the question that comes up in conversation most of the time. Why do women loathe themselves and set themselves up for failure and set backs while on the road to getting healthy as well as feeling better? This is a very deep rooted as well as complicated matter so let's really look at this issue.

For many women who grew up as overweight children the issue of negative body image, body weight and self esteem begins at a very early age. For a lot of these young girls dieting, being thin and pretty is the message that their hear over and over and eventually that voice begins to control their lives. They are unconsciously told to shed those pounds or you are doomed into a life of hating your body and yourself.  For some, life then becomes a daily regime of self hated and self loathing while trying to achieve this utopia. Magazine articles that portray the latest diet, fitness regime to acquire six pack abs or even the latest Hollywood celebrity's diet regime for weight loss leaves an overweight women with a doom or gloom future. This sets her up an emotional roller coaster ride of negativity because this message embedded from childhood  has now become a way of life and their reality. As someone who heard those messages over and over as a young girl and then as a teenager I learned that what we see and hear in our early lives will eventually resonate in our adulthood and in turn makes us look at how we look and think about ourselves. Growing up in a society that sends a message that any excess weight is not acceptable so get rid of it NOW is damaging! Turn on the TV to hear about the latest diet or many fitness DVD's  promising you long term success, 99% of the so called Fitness celebrities have no clue over the emotional damage they do promising these simple and easy weight loss routine that are short on long term success. Yet we continue to buy it hoping for a better life. These bombardments of cerebral messages leave us with a sense  that we no longer know what we need for our lives. Years of years of these messages and the race to another diet, hating food and not knowing how to really understand what we need will leave anyone banging their heads against the wall for relief. While I totally understand that some need this kick start to get motivated let me remind you that motivation needs to come from within to achieve any long term success.  Looking to the world for answers, fighting with food,  starvation and feeling like a failure sets us up for emptiness. All of those years of negative voices and looking at who you are as less than worthy leaves us in a pile of pain. So, when you begin to try to get healthy, lose some weight and get fit to feel better what you only know is how to sabotage yourself with setting yourself up for failure. Once this happens one feels emotionally, physically and mentally drained and hence runs back to what is familiar. In my own life I have had to fight this battle early on as I lost and gained weight more times that I can count on both hands. I never really addressed the emotions that were holding me back till I began to really understand that my early years where filled with emotions that dragged me down. So, you can now get a glimpse that when the road to recovery begins to take place it takes more than changing your eating habits.  It takes a change of heart and how we look at ourselves and that YES we are worth it, we can achieve it long term and YES it will take time, love and patience from within Today, after many years of tears, groups, writing and listening I realize that unless we address the issue we will never totally come to a point of understanding ourselves and finding peace.

Hugs, Debra



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