When I was in my teens and early 20s, I hated myself. Although I was much smaller than I am today, I always felt fat and not worthy. I would have done anything short of cutting off a limb to be a certain weight.
Today, and this has been the case for a couple of years, I like myself and dare I say, love myself. I am 1 inch shy of being back into 16s (down from a tight 20) and I'm good with my body. I would like to see a 14 again, then just maintain for a few years before trying to hit a 10/12. And even then most days I don't want anything smaller than a 14. I am not able to be as active as I want currently so this is the need along with wanting a healthy family, to get a little smaller.
I look in the mirror and see success. I see happiness and I feel love in my life. I have for so long put life on hold because I wasn't a size this or that. I'm my daily life I couldn't ask for much more. I've had a couple of knee surgeries so it's pretty much getting me back to where I was before the 1st one in late 2009, again a 14 and very active!
When I look in the mirror compared to pictures I see great things. When I look at pictures I think to myself "this is so not reality". I don't see the extra weight in the mirror, full length or otherwise. I don't see it when I'm at the gym standing next to a skinny minnie or a buffed babe. I see me and I like that. In this day and age in the world in which we live, I am not supposed to be happy with myself and my size. I am not supposed to say that I am healthy, even though I am. I am not supposed to have self confidence, but rather self disgust because I am not a single digit size and my butt doesn't come close to the BMI standard. In a world of people who would no sooner pull the rug out from underneath me because of my happiness and love for the total package, I can stand up and say, "I don't have to be what you want, only all that I can, all that I want".
The value of life is more than a number on the scale. Many get caught up thinking, swearing up and down that you can only be healthy if you fit inside this little box. If you don't then you couldn't possibly be healthy, happy, pain free, and live past 60. It's as if they try to scare and bully you into hating yourself and your body to get you to change and fit into their definition of what is ideal, healthy, and perfect.
I've had some pretty nasty things said to me in life because until my Dr says otherwise, several Doctors have all agreed, that I do not need to lose much more if anything to be healthy. And once I make a full 180 degree recovery (meaning, regaining full strength and range of motion post-op), then I am good to go! I find it to be quite sad that naysayers who know nothing except personal bias can try to beat you down for being in the "norm" with regards to weight and size.
Why does being a double digit size illicit such rage and fear? Why is it the business of strangers to care what you do or don't do? Why must one be constantly at war with themselves in order to accepted by society? Life spent hating your fat as much as everyone else makes it OK, but having a positive sense of self means you're a failure and therefore will be ridiculed, hated, badgered, and lectured?
The truth is happiness and beauty comes from within. When you put in a good faith effort to move a little more and eat a little better, you are making positive strides to be the best you can be. But on the same token, not everyone will be able to maintain a single digit size and it is NO ONE's right or business to question that. We live in a society that thinks they can judge and manipulate others with fear and shame into becoming what the current standard of beauty and health is.
Just because someone accepts and loves themselves doesn't mean they are quitters or deserve any less self respect. In fact, I think we deserve more. It's easy to get caught up in the latest fad, diet, and body image craze. Some of us decide for ourselves what's best instead of having it decided for us. That takes courage and strength!
The long and the short...be kind to yourself and others. If you have nothing nice to say or to contribute, just move along and say nothing. What is right for you isn't for the next person. There will always be someone who is smaller and larger than you. Fitter, faster, weaker, and slower than you. And unless you get the wonderful title of "creator" next to your name, mind your manners and your business when it comes to someone else's weight, size, and their self love and acceptance. Just be happy for them or with them, don't try to knock them down.
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